On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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