take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize