Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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