today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
