i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
