I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
