then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
