i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
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Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize