I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
