I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
