where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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