I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
