I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
