i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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