we're blogging at a bar
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
