It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
