I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fuck appropriateness.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
