Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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