So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
