you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
