Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
