i think my tv is drunk
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
