So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
