I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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