Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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