I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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