Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
