Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
