I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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