This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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