my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
