U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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