I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
