They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
