my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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