Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is the high leading the old right now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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