Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
