We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
