Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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