You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
