I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
