Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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