he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
