I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
