Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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