I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize