Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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