Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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