you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My bed smells like the plague
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