You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
