I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize