Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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