The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
