My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
