If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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