i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can you bring me the toilet please
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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