I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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