he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
