she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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