oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
