im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
