you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
