My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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