he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
