Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
