i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
