why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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