All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
