Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
