I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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